Hot Mess

Posted by: L

How about a mid-afternoon P O P Q U I Z, Readers?

L's MPRE Barbri book is wet (and/or has dried wet spots) for which of the following reason(s)?

A: Because she drooled on it while passing out on it in the library.

B. Because she hosed herself off while trying to sunbathe/study multi-task and put her book on her wet bathing suit.

C. Because she just put it in some condensation left over on the kitchen table from a frosty Diet Mountain Dew.

D. All of the above.

Well, if you answered D, you are correct! ((Audience cheers.))

Studying for this exam is as about as exciting as being in a vegetative state, but for those of you non-lawyers or non-law school peers, it's an exam you need to pass before you can sit for the Bar Exam. Yipee. And, in usual L - Fashion, I am a considerable Hot Mess!

I'm seriously thinking of marketing these materials to insomniacs. Give the makers of Ambien a run for their money!

BOSTON UNCOMMON

Posted by: B & L

Spotted: No, that's not Lady Gaga, Readers. It's none other than....a real life hooker only steps away from Boston Common! She was on her celli, gabbing about "avoiding the 5-Oh," probably to her pimp.

Both B and L giggled all the way across the street, thankful that they didn't get caught, because she could have easily taken them both!!

...Brings back L's memories of elementary school conveniently located on Piedmont and Murray Ave. in "South Worcester."

Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

So, this past weekend L visited Forever 21. Now, it has been over a year since she has stepped foot in this fine clothier. Partly because it's a clusterfuck, partly because she needs her partner to help her stay calm.

(Last time with Shawnie, said partner in need, Summer 2008, in the Dirtiest State in the Union -- XO MISS YOU!)

Now, a little preface: Before the girls' summer shopping extravaganza, she had purchased a cute black and white pencil skirt (trés work appropriate...and from "back in the day" when the only F21 near her was in Provi!)...only to have it rip up the back slit. She had it reinforced, but it ripped again.

Now, we don't know if it's the Forever 21 craftsmanship (or lack thereof) or if it's L's ever-expanding assets that caused the double rip around the glutes. But, in her defense, she also had a cute leopard print sweater that lost most of it's coloring and became pilly after one wash...so she was a little skeptical.

And, onto the story: But, dear Readers, this time she was with Momma, and Momma has quite the eye!! And so, L had quite the case of the grabby hands this weekend!

She scored a number of cute sweaters (adorned with pearls and bows and beads) for work (that she's hoping and praying they won't get destroyed after one wash) and this:

My Little Black Dress Tank, $14.80

(Oh, it's going to be super cute with a blank tank underneath and black leggings! ::squeals with delight at childish find::)

LOOK AT THAT TUTU!!

(Hey now, let her have this! She stayed out of Abercrombie...even if it took all her willpower!)

But, lets stop for a minute and look at this skirt and ask ourselves a collective,

"What the F--k?"

Belted Glove Skirt, $32.00

It's like the skirt's little grabby hands are trying to grope you! "Ahh, no! My unmentionables!!!"

You stay away, you Michael Jackson belt! (Too soon??)

And, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't boys suppose to try to get up/in your skirt??

heh heh heh

Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

Dear Mr. Blahnik:

This is why Carrie is not prancing around the streets of New York City in your kicks this year, but is, instead, sporting sky-high Louboutins.

I must ask you, "Really?? What were you thinking?"

I'm all for "blue" for Resort 2010...but denim pumps??

You might as well suggest that the Canadian Tuxedo is chic. (It is not chic, readers! Never, I repeat, NEVER match denim and denim.)

Your rhinestone detail has not made up for the fact that you put denim...denim! on a shoe. Pleated denim.

I am looking at you with disgust, Mr. Blahnik.

Sincerely,

L

(And, no, readers. This is not a special Manolo crafted for KMart, or even H&M, like Jimmy Choo and his PVC-version shoes. This is a Neiman's find. A Neiman's find retailing at $715.00. The feeling it gives you in the pit of your stomach, like you know something terrible just happened, is why it is online-only.)

Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

Neon is one of those hot trends this season, especially neon pink. So if you want to rock this trend, you are going to want to make sure you don't turn out trash, but that you remain class.

As seen below, neon colors can quickly become overkill.



The girl above paired neon green leggings with a neon tie-dyed tank. There was too much going on here to work.

However, there are ways to put neon in your outfit in a classy/trendy way. Here are some tips that will allow you to either dazzle in your neon ensemble or add a little neon punch to your wardrobe.

If you think you are ready to have all eyes on you and you can totally pull it off-- try buying a neon pink dress and pairing it with some cute black booties, black pumps, or black flats. (You probably get the idea with all the black mentioned in that sentence: black and neutrals are going to be your friend.)

If the neon piece is going to be the main part of your outfit, you don't want additional neon colors as accessories-- it will be way too much. So, instead, pair a neon pink dress with black or neutral accessories.

If you aren't ready to sport a neon pink dress but still want to rock the neon, try some of some of these suggestions.

Purchase a neon scarf. Pair the scarf with a black, white, beige, or brown top so your outfit will have a pop of color.

Another way to add neon is by wearing neon-colored bracelets. Again, let the bracelets add the color to the outfit and don't go overboard with the number of bracelets either.

Finally, a pair of neon shoes will add that pop of color to your outfit without it overpowering your outfit. B & L would suggest you don't spend too much $$$ on your neon shoes because you probably won't wear them very often.

If you are looking for some more information try check out associatedcontent.com.

Hot Mess or Fashion Success

Zebra print shirt and tight bright red short skirt: "Hot Mess!"

Unfortunately, there is no picture for the outfit we are about to discuss. B attempted to take the picture however the picture came out all blurry.

However, she remembers the outfit vividly - probs due to the nightmares.

The girl wore this zebra print shirt that had massive shoulder pads (think shoulder pads circa 1980s, double the size and add in some bubble sleeves and you'll get the picture). She paired this shirt with a skin tight short red skirt.

If you think the outfit couldn't get any worse - it did!

The girl then decided to pair this outfit with some type of boot. It was not working.

Honestly, the two girls that were with this Hot Mess should have pulled her aside and asked her...no begged her to change.

Ladies - skin tight might be nice for your man however keep those outfits in the bedroom or on the hanger in the store. Anything with massive shoulder pads and bubble sleeves please try to stay away from. Today outfits have certain cuts and structures so you don't need to add a ton of extra padding.

Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

Well, it definitely looks like Leggings are in to stay for another season. (To which L is very grateful for!)

But, there's a new trend that hasn't quite made it mainstream in the Boston area, but L honestly can't wait to slide herself into them: Jeggings, or Denim Leggings.

They're just simply that: a beautiful hybrid between Leggings and skinny jeans.

Of course, like Leggings, they could go horribly wrong, highlighting all your bumps and lumps. Or, worse-- the camel toe!¹ See below, where there's bumps, lumps, VPL, and a horrible little butt pocket!

But, they could have the potential to be chic if done correctly with a smartly paired tunic top. (Note: Avoid wearing anything tucked in (like above!); tunic tops are a universal "yes." Petite girls should aim for a shorter tunic top. And, yes, they can always be belted!)

L only hopes she can be as fierce as Beyoncé if she gets her hands on a pair!

Photo courtesy of TheSun.co.uk

Jeggings can be found made from higher end names, like JBrand and Citizens of Humanity (check your local Nordstrom), and from more affordable retailers like New York & Company.

So, what do you think of Jeggings??

Will you strut your stuff in them?

Are you doing your lunges and eating salad as you read in anticipation??

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1. Quoting Kourtney Kardashian: "If you don't have a camel toe, your vagina's ugly!" hah! Love those girls!

Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

A purse that can match a Christmas tree: "Hot Mess!"


Depending on the style and coloring used, a plaid bag could be pulled off. Unfortunately, the bag above F-A-I-L-S.

The coloring is too much, which makes the person using this bag look like she/he is trying too hard to achieve a Holiday/Christmas look. When someone you know takes a Holiday season to the next level where it's dictating her fashion it's time to step and be that trusted friend. Sit her down give her one of those "Honey, No" talks.

While being festive during a holiday season can be cute and fun - taking it to this level is just plain wrong.¹

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1. While L agrees with B that the little bag is awful, she thinks it would be just darling over your shoulder at your Ugly Sweater party!

Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

Dressing like a clown and you're not getting paid to entertain tiny toddlers: "Hot Mess!"

Now, this candid would have been categorized under a BOSTON UNCOMMON, except we were in Newport¹ -- so it's even more of a Hot Mess!!

Now, when you think Newport, you think the July and August J. Crew catalogue, bocce games in Brooks Brothers, not Bozo the Clown. Her outfit was a lot louder in person and she was walking away fast, so this is the best L could get.

The bottoms were definitely handmade out of panels of fabric...panels that should have never left the fabric store!

This is probably the reason young children are afraid of clowns.

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1. A town where they don't even know that wine has ever come in a box!

Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

A cougar beyond her prime yet not realizing it: "Hot Mess!"

Outfit of a 19 year-old, face of a 60 year-old.

Trying too hard? YES.

Not pictured: the hipslung jeans Gramma was sporting, complete with tan-colored designs and rhinestones that went up the length of her legs, the gaudy Claire's accessories that adorned her arms and ears, and let's not forget Gramma's enormous rack hanging out of her shirt!

Now, don't get me wrong, I love the hair bumpit as much as the next girl from New Jersey, but there comes a time when you just have to say "goodbye" to ridiculous volume¹, look yourself in the mirror and come to the realization that you need to dress your age.²

Hot mess!

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1. Unless, I guess, if you're a Texas housewife. Unfortunately no where else in the U.S. would understand it.

2. Class, on the other hand, is something you're born with. She could have had a little chance here if she didn't raid her teenage granddaughter's closet before she left the house!!

Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

A clutch that is designed to be an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower: "Hot Mess!"

Below is the Timmy Woods 'Eiffel Tower' Limited Edition Clutch. Once the "It" bag for 2008, largely due to the exposure it received as Carrie Bradshaw sported it in "Sex & the City: The Movie," the clutch is still being marketed and sold across the web.

We don't know what is worse: Selling a clutch that actually looks like the Eiffel Tower, or, the fact that someone is bound to actually buy such the thing when it actually costs $450.00, or, the fact that someone thought this would look good.

It might be okay for a child¹ to have this purse in order to play dress up when she wants a purse to be like a "big girl;" however, the fact that this is being marketed and sold to adults is just plain wrong!

It should also be noted that just because Carrie Bradshaw's version was covered in Swarovski crystals in the movie, it doesn't mean it was right!²

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1. It may be okay if it was NOT $450.00!

2. For only $3,000.00 that, too, can be yours!

Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

Wow. No description necessary: "Hot Mess!"

Sadly, this was posted as someone's default picture. We all know default pictures on any social networking site are usually the best one that you have of yourself: you know, ten pounds lighter, perfect skin, hair did.

Can someone please explain what on Earth is going on here????

B & L had a little discussion about this picture.

Minus the left leg almost being ripped to shreds, L thought you could maybe just get rid of the equally busy shirt and pair a neutral t-shirt with it, problem solved. The girl looks a little younger (noted from her orange glow), and obviously has the confidence to wear the two pieces together, she might be able to pull it off the jeans if she toned it down.

B thought otherwise. B yelled at L and laughed in her face. Told her, "no! It's all wrong! HA HA HA" (Yea, she laughed for a good thirty seconds.) Although she would say it was probably more like 10 seconds. After she finished laughing she turned to L and said "Those pants should never be worn. Shirt is okay if she wore the right pants but the pants are not only ripped they have bleach marks all over them! That's a bad combination no matter who is wearing them."

Moral of the story: Wear one trend at a time. Do not go overboard. Do not buy jeans that have both tears and bleach markings. When in doubt, get an honest opinion from your friends.

We hope this girl stayed in the house and her friends set her straight after the pic was snapped!

Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

A purse with applique circles attached to it that move when you wear it: "Hot Mess!"


This purse kind of reminds us of one of those pictures a child draws that only a select few could love (those being a parent, godparent, grandparent, aunt or uncle). You know, the one that would go on the refrigerator as soon as it is gifted to you, but as soon as company comes over the recipient would go: "And this picture little Johnny drew us. We love it so much, we just had to hang it up!"

Trust us, we totally understand being in that select group¹, but that doesn't mean you have to spend money on a bag that brings up those feelings described above, especially when it was made by someone who has no special connection to you.

Of course, you're entirely expected to wear the hand-painted dried macaroni necklace adorned with hand-painted clay beads and also display the clay pinch pot on your desk at work²!

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1. Just ask B about the random T sticker in her car one day if you want her to talk your ear off for about an HOUR about her nephew!

2. It was even put in the kiln with a glaze! Just for you!

Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

Animal Print Overboard!

L felt like Steve Irwin (R.I.P.) this weekend at the Liberty Hotel, mate. She spotted this beauty from across the room, giving the animal connotation associated with "cougar" a whole new meaning.

"I stumbled across this Hot Mess and had to quickly remember where I was and how I got there-- just double checking to make sure Ike didn't take me on a safari...I don't do "animals"."¹

Dressing like a zebra or any other animal when it isn't Halloween: Hot Mess!

Animal print is a definite "Do" for your wardrobe, but B & L recommend to keep it simple. Think: an animal print pencil skirt, animal print stacked peep-toed heels, or an animal print cami under a cardigan. Keep the animal print matched with neutrals to balance out the outfit.²

Wearing it in one piece, head-to-toe, is just too much.

Ways for improvement: She could have opted for red heels, or a piece of red jewelry to break up the outfit (possibly a chunky red statement necklace).³ And, it was still breezy out, so a cardigan would have gone nicely over her sheath.

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1. Just ask L about the time he took her near a petting zoo. "Yuck."
2. You want to look classy, not trashy.

3. Also, she was located near the bar without a date. Having her arms crossed is horrible body language and makes her seem very unapproachable. She should read our Dating 101. And, what kind of cougar is not aggressive and on the prowl???

Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

Halston: Monk chic?

I know Jackie O. will be rolling over in her grave¹, but file this one under "Hot Mess."

The "Serena," pictured above, is from Halston's Spring 2009 RTW², originally retailing for $3,995.00.

Yes, maxi dresses are definitely still "in" for the season.

Yes, the 70s are iconic for fashion inspiration.³

Yes, bright colors accentuate your bronze summer bod.

But this: no, no, no.

The "poppy" colored dress (and we feel awkward even calling it a dress!) is a garment that no real person could ever possibly pull off. (We don't even think it looks chic on the model!)

As far as the coloring goes, Halston labeled it "poppy," which is likely an attempt at garnishing an exotic name to match "Serena," hoping for a sheep-consumer to think "Oh, it must be worth every cent since it is made in Italy and of silk...oh, it feels so nice in my hands, where's my VISA? Mmm, "poppy" sounds chic. I'm so in."

WRONG!

And, last time we checked, "poppy" had more red than orange.

Secondly, what happened everything we ladies have learned about accentuating your curves and highlighting your best body? (Oh, lovely collarbone you have there, Miss.) No waist. No hips. No thighs. No toned Mish. O-approved arms. Just fabric. Just no.

You can't even belt that sh!t to make it flattering!⁴

Third, when investing in a designer piece, you should have more than one occasion to wear the piece and be able to coordinate it into your wardrobe. Outside of the Himalayas where she would likely whisper prayers with the monks, we are not sure where, exactly, you could wear this. Summer BBQ? You get ketchup on that because you were a little over-aggressive taking a bite into that hot dog and there goes $3,995.00 into the toilet. The work place? This does not even meet the standards for "Casual Friday." On a date with that hottie you've been spying since March? He may very well laugh in your face.⁵

To make the maxi dress work for you, B & L recommend finding a dress that is fitted in the top and tailors in at the waist. The dress does not have to be form fitting, but should, at the very minimum, show off that you have a figure. There are a lot of options out there from everyday retailers. Look for detailing or embellishments along the top, then you can skip out on worrying about pairing a necklace with it. But do try an understated bangle bracelet.

As with all summer dresses, remember proper support for the girls and tailoring the bottom for a length that suits your height. Because nothing is worse (aside from "Serena") than having your girls a mess all over the place, or having a maxi that you're tripping over!

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1. Roy Halston Frowick was Jackie O.'s milliner (a.k.a. hatmaker) back in the day. After this post, I guess we should be glad that Mish O. (L's idol!) is sticking to names like Michael Kors, Thakoon, and L's everyday fav., J.Crew.
2. RTW: Thats, "Ready To Wear."
3. Think: Jane Birkin. (Yes, she who Hermès designed the bag for.)
4. Now you know you have a problem!

5. And there go your chances at date number two!

Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

A dress that is way too tight and has to be held together with a safety pin: Hot Mess!

Unfortunately, I was unable to snap a pic, but I will provide all the deets.

Spotted: A girl with all the potential for looking cute. The dress was casual-- a breezy cotton number-- seersucker and strapless, very appropriate for the afternoon. It had slight detailing of small buttons down the front. Her hair was put up nicely in soft curls and her make up was done, but not over-done. However (and this is a BIG "however"), her dress was way too tight for her. The fabric bunched and pulled throughout the entire dress (which also made the dress look shorter than it suppose to be! Read: Bend over and I see your goodies!). To top it all of, she safety pinned the top of her dress because it couldn't zip!

Ladies, fit is very important. You can have the nicest clothes, made from top designers, but if the fit is off, so is the outfit. When your clothes are too tight-- to the point you have to safety pin your outfits--it's time to look at yourself in that dressing room mirror and say "I think I need another size." We all know it's hard to do, but trust B & L: do it because fit is way too important to jeopardize for a number.