Frugal is the New Black

B was recently asked at work if she would be willing to spend $98 on a pair of flats. Naturally, flats are shoes (Read: B's addiction!) so B automatically thinks $98 on a pair of shoes, "If I loved them, sure."

But then B got to thinking: While a pair of flats are wonderful to walk in compared to the pain heels can provide, there is something a pair of heels do to a girl's stature that a pair of flats can never accomplish.

So, while B loves her shoes, she would rather spend $15-$30 on a pair of flats from Payless than $50-$100 on a pair of similar flats. Payless offers cute, comfortable options that can translate from work to play! Look at these two options:

Both are "American Eagle by Payless" and are under $25.00!

And plus, deciding to spend less on flats, she can put some more towards her heels.

Unfortunately, whenever B walks into any type of shoe store to get a pair of shoes she always ends up with extras (maybe that isn't so unfortunate).

Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

Halston: Monk chic?

I know Jackie O. will be rolling over in her grave¹, but file this one under "Hot Mess."

The "Serena," pictured above, is from Halston's Spring 2009 RTW², originally retailing for $3,995.00.

Yes, maxi dresses are definitely still "in" for the season.

Yes, the 70s are iconic for fashion inspiration.³

Yes, bright colors accentuate your bronze summer bod.

But this: no, no, no.

The "poppy" colored dress (and we feel awkward even calling it a dress!) is a garment that no real person could ever possibly pull off. (We don't even think it looks chic on the model!)

As far as the coloring goes, Halston labeled it "poppy," which is likely an attempt at garnishing an exotic name to match "Serena," hoping for a sheep-consumer to think "Oh, it must be worth every cent since it is made in Italy and of silk...oh, it feels so nice in my hands, where's my VISA? Mmm, "poppy" sounds chic. I'm so in."

WRONG!

And, last time we checked, "poppy" had more red than orange.

Secondly, what happened everything we ladies have learned about accentuating your curves and highlighting your best body? (Oh, lovely collarbone you have there, Miss.) No waist. No hips. No thighs. No toned Mish. O-approved arms. Just fabric. Just no.

You can't even belt that sh!t to make it flattering!⁴

Third, when investing in a designer piece, you should have more than one occasion to wear the piece and be able to coordinate it into your wardrobe. Outside of the Himalayas where she would likely whisper prayers with the monks, we are not sure where, exactly, you could wear this. Summer BBQ? You get ketchup on that because you were a little over-aggressive taking a bite into that hot dog and there goes $3,995.00 into the toilet. The work place? This does not even meet the standards for "Casual Friday." On a date with that hottie you've been spying since March? He may very well laugh in your face.⁵

To make the maxi dress work for you, B & L recommend finding a dress that is fitted in the top and tailors in at the waist. The dress does not have to be form fitting, but should, at the very minimum, show off that you have a figure. There are a lot of options out there from everyday retailers. Look for detailing or embellishments along the top, then you can skip out on worrying about pairing a necklace with it. But do try an understated bangle bracelet.

As with all summer dresses, remember proper support for the girls and tailoring the bottom for a length that suits your height. Because nothing is worse (aside from "Serena") than having your girls a mess all over the place, or having a maxi that you're tripping over!

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1. Roy Halston Frowick was Jackie O.'s milliner (a.k.a. hatmaker) back in the day. After this post, I guess we should be glad that Mish O. (L's idol!) is sticking to names like Michael Kors, Thakoon, and L's everyday fav., J.Crew.
2. RTW: Thats, "Ready To Wear."
3. Think: Jane Birkin. (Yes, she who Hermès designed the bag for.)
4. Now you know you have a problem!

5. And there go your chances at date number two!

What was I thinking?

A few weeks ago, B received a text message from one of her hometown friends, inviting her to accompany them to "The Hangover."

B thought, "The Hangover? Must be a new bar." (F.Y.I.: B gets lost in her hometown, which just so happens to be the same city that she has lived in her whole life-- her own sorority sisters know the city better then she does!)

B decided that if she got enough school work done (because we all know by now she loves her studies) she would definitely meet them up at this new bar, especially since she wants to seem "in the know" for once when it comes to this city!

Unfortunately, that does not happen, so B goes to work and tells her co-workers how she's bummed that she won't be going to this new bar "The Hangover" with some of her hometown friends. (P.S. The Box Office numbers came out that same day where The Hangover took No. 1 for their first week-- B still had no clue it was a movie!)

B texted her friend and told her the sad news, wishing she could check out The Hangover, but has to do school work instead, but maybe another time they could all go to The Hangover.

B's friends go to The Hangover and tell her it was really good. B is still thinking it's a new bar and not a movie, and still can't wait to check out the scene.

B goes on Facebook and on her homepage, she notices another friends status update: "The Hangover is hilarious." B automatically wonders, "How can a bar be hilarious? Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe it's a play."

Finally, the Box Office numbers come out again and list "The Hangover." All of sudden everything seems to click. The Hangover is not a new bar in her hometown, but an actual movie!!

Update: B has since seen "The Hangover," and yes, it is hilarious.

Courtroom Couture

Gucci's Fall/Winter '09 Collection preview has hit the 'net.¹

And, B and L think it was love at first sight!

Introducing, Gucci's Barclay Highheel Sandal:

We especially love the wing-tipped styling, a detail that has usually been reserved for mens footwear. Matched with the feminine peep toe and platform heel, the elements perfectly compliment each other.² And, the deep cherry color will easily pair with a number of your wardrobe staples.

Ladies, when you wear these, heads will turn!

You can pre-order your pair from Neiman's here for $690.00.

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1. Normally, being June, we'd balk at the fact that the new seasons are out this early, savoring every bit of the sweet summer sunshine we get. Not this year. We're pretty sure it's rained for three weeks in a row now. Might as well bring out the parka. Bla.

2. And, who can't love the interlocking G emblem?

Rest In Peace

3 a.m. infomercials will never be the same without Billy Mays, TV's infamous, bearded middle-aged man YELLING at you to buy some household gadget. Followed by, of course, flashing you his trademark thumbs up.¹

Question: Who will step up and take his place now?^{2, 3} And, what ever happened to Ron "Set it, and FORGET IT!" Popeil??

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1. And a sigh of relief that they just cut to commercial because your ears may or may not be bleeding.
2. L would like to see the "Domestic Diva," herself, Niecy Nash, from Style Channel's "Clean House" tell us about some "foolishness" that we're doing and correct it with her sassiness, complete with a coordinating flower in her hair. Yea, girl!
3. The ShamWOW guy is no longer a reputible source for such magical inventions, as he may or may not still be in jail. Fail.

Rest In Peace

Thursday was a heartbreaking day for all. Not only did we lose Farrah Fawcett, but we also lost the King of Pop, Michael Jackson.

B & L are saddened by both losses and both Farrah and Michael are in our thoughts as well as their loved ones.

Water Cooler

Goose: Exposed.

Setting & Introduction: L pulls into the tanning salon's parking lot to start her work day off a bit late, but she figures it's OK, because it's June and not January, which means less to do in the mornings (Read: the beds and booths don't have to be warmed up for the full time, just 5 or so minutes will do.) and usually there isn't anyone waiting for you to unlock the door so they can hurry up and get their tan on like there is in the colder months.

Not today.

The first thing L see is "Goose,¹" sitting in his beat-up red pickup. Goose, a 62-year-old man, comes in at 6'5'', 280lbs, and built like a truck. He has been tanning since the place opened over 10 years ago. He is really close to one of the girls that worked there every night. She's gone, but he still comes in and thinks everyone is on the same close level that he was with her. To give everyone a better understanding of Goose he's THAT guy who stands over the counter for as long as he can, with his old sweatshirt, old sweatpants (of course with butt-crack showing), and some new lotion mixture he has concocted in his spare time. (Let's not even think about what he puts in it!) Goose's favorite pastime while at the tanning salon? Isn't it obvious?? It is telling you the same four stories: how dark he is, how often he checks his tan with the black light, what he likes to stock his fridge with, and his t-shirt collection. L knows them all by heart! (Come on now, wouldn't you if that was all you heard!)

L pulls in next to him, and gives him a friendly wave. (Just like retail, you have to smile and be everyone's BFF. Actually, it's probably more like being a hairdresser. For the two minutes while people sign in, figure out how long they want to bake for, and pick out a lotion, they often dump their day's trials and tribulations on you...like you care.) Goose points to his watch, signaling that I'm late to open.

"Really? It's not even that close to 9am I still have a good 15 minutes...what time did you get here??² "

Goose strolls in, tells L that she isn't even tan after her fab vaca to Aruba and insists on comparing arm tans for a good 20 minutes (sorry Goose, we all don't fry up like a strip of bacon on vaca). Goose then describes today's secret lotion concoction-- a mixture of a couple low-end accelerators, one high-end bronzer, and some oil. ("You know, oil is the key ingredient here, because it doesn't dry up right away..blablabla" - just tune it out, this is why you purchase the tanning lotions so you DON'T have to think about it)

Goose goes on for another 20 minutes about how dark he is and how he likes to check his tan under the black light he has in his bedroom. You know, the one next to his California King-sized water bed. "Oh yea!" (Insert your own eye roll here.)

L tells him firmly that if he gets any darker, he is clearly not allowed to check the box next to "Caucasian," while wondering to herself, "where is everyone this morning? Pleaseeee someone come in!"

Finally, after a few more not-awkward-at-all moments of Goose pulling up his sweatshirt to show me his "black" belly, rolling up his sleeves so we can both examine how dark his scars got, because you know, they just don't tan as well as the rest of him because of the scar tissue, and inching his sweatpants down, ever-so-slightly, to expose his thigh, and ultimately reinforce that, yes, he really is dark, Goose is ready to tan. He instructs L to meet him upstairs after his lamps go off so L can see how dark he got. Because, really, right after he's done, he is just bron-ze!

(Yea, not gunna happen, there, Goose.)

Thankfully, he goes upstairs, tans, and new people come in. (New people are great when you need to be distracted. You can sit there for a minute, explain to them their different options and hang out while they fill out paperwork. Not entertaining when it's busy, but, like L said, a good excuse to not see Goose's freshly baked skin.)

Goose comes down, moisturizes and then wants to talk about his tan for another 20 minutes. (Again, why aren't more people coming in this morning??) Wanting to show me how the black light really can point out your whitest sports, he summons L into the bathroom, keeps the light off, and takes off his sweatshirt.

L attempts to pacify Goose (Ladies, we all know what to say to make the guys happy to shut them up and don't pretend like you don't!!) by saying: "Oh, yup. There you go! Just under your armpits! White as a ghost. But not the rest of you. No, no, no. You are BLAACK!³"

Unfortunately Goose replies: "Yea, oh here, I'm not modest.."

Goose then pulls down his sweatpants so L can see the white spot above his crack (pressure point that doesn't tan if you always lay down in a bed for all you non-tanners out there), but he doesn't stop there, he keeps going!

Sweatpants: off.

Ok, at least his back is to me. (Nakedness doesn't really bother L. Especially not here at a tanning salon, when you're likely to accidentally walk in on someone.⁴)

Goose admires himself in the mirror for a few more minutes. (Why is L still standing there? Oh yea, Goose needs the compliments and hell, no one else is coming in.)

And then he turns around.

In all his 62-year-old glory, L see the Goose peen. Tan (!) and sagging.

All L can think of at this very moment is, "Oh, my girlfriends at their grown-up jobs are going to be soo jealous when I tell them!!"

"Ok, you put your clothes back on before someone comes in!" L kids (not really.) and closes the door, walking away, and hurrying to her phone to text the masses. (B being one of the masses who P.S. laughs out loud, literally not just blogging that, everyone in her office turned and look at her like she has lost her mind).

As if that wasn't enough, Goose gets dressed, and needs to talk about how dark he is some more. L look at the clock: 11:02. (Alright, enough already. L has seen PLENTLY of Goose to last her a lifetime and then some.)

Goose has been here for over 2 hours. (Someone please get this man a job!)

L announces the time and Goose FINALLY takes a hint and gets going.. leaving the image of all 6'5'', 280 lbs, and nothing but a saggy crotch, burned into L's retinas forever (so not an exaggeration).

So worth the little salary.

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1. Names have been changed to protect the innocent...errr not so innocent as you will read on!

2. L usually doesn't officially "wake up" until 10:30. The morning coffee hasn't kicked in yet and she's probably just rushed around her house like the usual mad-woman trying to pack up everything for the day and later evening commute into Boston for class. Yea, she knows.."helps if you plan ahead and get things ready the night before." Falls on deaf ears. Moving on..
3. The best compliment a Goose can get: "You are BLACK!" He loves it! Hey, we all have goals, I guess.
4. Still waiting for the day when something goes wrong with the DILF's booth or bed. Don't you worry, DILF, L is right here and ready to help. You want lotion on your back? Ohh.. I'm your girl!