Hot Mess or Fashion Success?

Halston: Monk chic?

I know Jackie O. will be rolling over in her grave¹, but file this one under "Hot Mess."

The "Serena," pictured above, is from Halston's Spring 2009 RTW², originally retailing for $3,995.00.

Yes, maxi dresses are definitely still "in" for the season.

Yes, the 70s are iconic for fashion inspiration.³

Yes, bright colors accentuate your bronze summer bod.

But this: no, no, no.

The "poppy" colored dress (and we feel awkward even calling it a dress!) is a garment that no real person could ever possibly pull off. (We don't even think it looks chic on the model!)

As far as the coloring goes, Halston labeled it "poppy," which is likely an attempt at garnishing an exotic name to match "Serena," hoping for a sheep-consumer to think "Oh, it must be worth every cent since it is made in Italy and of silk...oh, it feels so nice in my hands, where's my VISA? Mmm, "poppy" sounds chic. I'm so in."

WRONG!

And, last time we checked, "poppy" had more red than orange.

Secondly, what happened everything we ladies have learned about accentuating your curves and highlighting your best body? (Oh, lovely collarbone you have there, Miss.) No waist. No hips. No thighs. No toned Mish. O-approved arms. Just fabric. Just no.

You can't even belt that sh!t to make it flattering!⁴

Third, when investing in a designer piece, you should have more than one occasion to wear the piece and be able to coordinate it into your wardrobe. Outside of the Himalayas where she would likely whisper prayers with the monks, we are not sure where, exactly, you could wear this. Summer BBQ? You get ketchup on that because you were a little over-aggressive taking a bite into that hot dog and there goes $3,995.00 into the toilet. The work place? This does not even meet the standards for "Casual Friday." On a date with that hottie you've been spying since March? He may very well laugh in your face.⁵

To make the maxi dress work for you, B & L recommend finding a dress that is fitted in the top and tailors in at the waist. The dress does not have to be form fitting, but should, at the very minimum, show off that you have a figure. There are a lot of options out there from everyday retailers. Look for detailing or embellishments along the top, then you can skip out on worrying about pairing a necklace with it. But do try an understated bangle bracelet.

As with all summer dresses, remember proper support for the girls and tailoring the bottom for a length that suits your height. Because nothing is worse (aside from "Serena") than having your girls a mess all over the place, or having a maxi that you're tripping over!

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1. Roy Halston Frowick was Jackie O.'s milliner (a.k.a. hatmaker) back in the day. After this post, I guess we should be glad that Mish O. (L's idol!) is sticking to names like Michael Kors, Thakoon, and L's everyday fav., J.Crew.
2. RTW: Thats, "Ready To Wear."
3. Think: Jane Birkin. (Yes, she who Hermès designed the bag for.)
4. Now you know you have a problem!

5. And there go your chances at date number two!