Dating101

Jumping Back into the Dating Pool
Posted by: B

WOW it's been a while but there's no better way to start a new adventure than to do a new blog post!

I have recently decided to jump back into the dating pool.  When I brought up this decision to a couple of my friends there seemed to be 4 common pieces of advice given to me.  So, I thought I would share those pearls of wisdom with all of you!

1. You have to be ready.  

You can't listen to everyone else telling you to get out there and date someone, you have to go at your pace.  If that means waiting several months, then wait several months.  During that time work on yourself and get into a place you need to be in order to start dating again.

But be cautious about the length of time you do this.  Don't rush it but be realistic.

2. You have to put yourself out there.  

It might be scary at first but after a couple times you start to get the feel for it.  If you are really nervous about this you should try striking up a random conservation with a stranger.  Be that person in line that turns to the person next to you and ask a random question about something they are purchasing.  Work your way up to putting yourself out there with someone you might be interested in.

3. Don't be afraid to to take risks 

This goes hand and hand with number 2.  You have to be ready in order to take that risk.  Sometimes your risk won't be as successful as you may wish it to be but what's the worse that can happen?  Answer: the other person isn't that into you.  Blow to the ego?  Maybe, if you let it.  You have to realize that not everyone is going to be into you and that maybe a guy/girl you really like just isn't feeling you.  But that's normal.  So, don't look at the negative outcomes from the risks you take, instead look at the positive such as you tried or you found out something new about yourself.

4. Have fun. 

Learning about someone new is exciting.  You get all those giddy feelings again.  All of you should know exactly what I mean.  You smile when the guy you hope is into you sends you a text asking you out or after a great date you get a phone call telling you how much fun it was.  Live in the moment and enjoy every minute.

While these may seem to common sense it's good to refresh your memory sometimes.

Dating101

Posted by: B & L

Just Say No.

Don't want to give your number out? Just Say No.

Don't want to talk/text/sext on the phone? Just Say No.

Don't want someone to visit you? Just Say No.

Don't want it rough tonight (because you can't sport battle wounds to the Conference Room tomorrow/you're still healing from the last time)? Just Say No.

Don't want to give/receive road head because it's noon, the sun is out and you took the doors and roof off your Wrangler? Just Say No.

We think you get the point.

Saying "no"-- such an easy phrase, yet so many people have problems with saying it, or just being honest and telling the other person that he/she just isn't interested.

It's natural that some people aren't going to be attracted to you and vice versa. So what's the big deal of just saying no?

Take a tip from us: there's a lot less hassle, hurt feelings, and drama when you are upfront with the person.

So if you aren't feeling him/her, just say no!

Dating101

Posted by: B

Don't end any type of relationship during working hours, especially via Facebook.

First, work should be a time where a person can concentrate on work, not on his or her love life. To end a relationship, even something as small as a constant hook up, during working hours is selfish. You don't know how that person will react. You don't know how long the person has to stay at the office. You don't know how that message will affect his or her work. I think you get point.

If you don't know when the person is working, I would stick with the customary working hours, which are Monday through Friday, 8:00 am to 6:00 pm. However, if you know the person works different hours than listed, follow his or her working schedule.

Seriously, what's the big deal in waiting a few hours before ending it? The person is at work...it's not like you two are on a date or going to make out while he or she is working.

Second, Facebook is not the venue to end any sort of relationship. I don't even care if you don't want to workout anymore with one of your buddies anymore, you want to switch to a new gym, or you don't want to go out on a second date - not the way to end it.

Via text is bad enough, but to do it via Facebook is a whole new low.

Man up and at least tell the person over a phone call. (And, ok, even a text or series of texts would be better than Facebook!)

Honestly, what is so important that you need to end it instantly via Facebook? Is that instant gratification really that important?

Sorry, didn't realize changing your relationship status on Facebook was so important.

If changing the relationship status on Facebook is that important that you have to send a Facebook message to end something in order to instantly change your status to "in a relationship" then you shouldn't have been trying to get with anyone else in the first place.

Dating101

Posted by: B

Body language can give peeks into a guy's head.

Take cuddling for example. The way a guy cuddles can reveal certain things about his personality, his desires, etc.

Here's a little run down of different ways to cuddle and what they could mean.

He pulls you into his chest

This guy is probably a romantic's dream come true. Generally this kind of guy is a big softie at heart. Plus this action shows you that he is attached to you by bringing you close to his heart. Finally, since the chest is all about masculinity by pulling you into his chest he is also showing he can protect you.

Spooning

If want a guy to talk about his emotions all the time beware of guys that like spooning. The pros of this guy is he is probably enjoys your form and has a high sex drive. But he probably is not comfortable expressing his emotions to you. However he is more willing to show you how he feels with gestures and actions.

His head in your lap

If you are looking for a sensitive guy then pay attention to whether he puts his head in your lap. The negative: this guy tends to be needy in relationships. But he can express his emotions, share what is in his head and he wants to make you happy. While the needy part might be slight downfall this guy will probably lavish you with attention (including erotic) and make it his goal to see that you are happy. If you could put up with that needy aspect the perks may be worth it.

Arm around you

This guy simply does the minimum requirement as far as cuddling goes. On the positive side he recognizes that you like close contact and is willing to attempt cuddling. Plus he probably takes direction when it comes to pleasing you including sexually.

Information from Cosmopolitan.com.

Lifestyle

Another Crass Post, Brought to you by L!

And this post is cordially dedicated to you, T. Consider it an advance on your CLE credits. This post shall be worth +1hr. Document and receive.

Background: In one previous post, L was discussing staying friends with your ex and the appreciated "complimentary beej" that some times (ok, probably more often than not) comes in the awkward phase where you're trying to strike the balance of being friends with your ex, carrying along their excess baggage, and moving forward.

T approached L and did not quite know what a "beej" was.

(Ok, let's pause right there for a moment and get this straight so T does not get made fun of on the playground: He had never seen the act of fellatio spelt that way. You know, phonetically. Not that he didn't know what a "beej" was...per se. Moving on. T, your credibility has been saved. Thank me later.)

Now, to come to T's and other's rescue for possible future posts, L has just so happened to stumble upon this gem: 6 Bits of Sex Slang To Make You A More Cunning Linguist.

(Yea, read that title fast and get the giggles, too. It's Ok.)

A little preview for your reading pleasure:

Sascrotch
Definition: Pubic hair that’s been allowed to grow wild; pubic hair that has the potential to scare off potential sexual partners
Example: “If I don’t take care of this sascrotch pronto, I won’t be getting lucky tonight!”

Ok, now get going on your vocab lesson! Quiz Friday!

Dating101

Meeting the parents is a big step.

You're nervous. You're hoping his/her parents like you. You're hoping it is nothing like "Meet the Fockers."

Now your worst nightmare happens: the parents don't like you and they have no qualms about showing it. So, what can you do?

Here are a couple of suggestions:

1. Understand where they are coming from. The parents may feel protective of their son/daughter and here you come intruding on their turf. Or, perhaps they are jealous and worried you are going to replace them. Then again it could be that you come from a different background and are afraid you'll have a negative influence on their child. If this is the case show them there is no reason to be jealous by asking for advice concerning their child or show an interest in their background. In time they won't see you as intruding on their turf which will help reduce that initial protective feeling.

2. Don't try to be besties. You goal should not be the parents' new BFF, but rather that you are a good person. If you try too hard it may come off as fake, after all you just met them, they may be your man's or girl's parents, but to you they are strangers. So, go with the mindset they are your equals so it will be easier to be yourself but they aren't your BFF.

3. Make them realize you care. Parents want what's best for their son/daughter so, naturally, they don't want you to break his/her heart. Plus, they don't want put forth the engery getting to know you if they think it will end quickly. You need to show them you care about their son/daughter. Here are some suggestions: hold hands (easy enough), kiss his cheek, or share a story (good, happy, and appropriate ones only!) that highlights how much he means to you or how happy he makes you.

4. Last option. If none of the above worked don't give up - stick up for yourself! If you worked so hard and there is no changing their opinion, you can at least make them respect you for not rolling over and playing dead for them. Plus you don't want esculating problems if this relationship becomes serious.

Information from Cosmopolitan.com, then stylized by B & L.

Dating 101

The Girlfriend Test

Believe it or not, some men actually tests the girls they are interested in before pursuing a relationship.

So, if you're single and are interested in a particular guy who seems to be feeling you, be on the lookout for the following tests:

• Mentioning an Ex;
  
• Coming Home Drunk;
  
• Suggesting Kinky Sex; and
  
• Planning a No-Frills Adventure.

When a guy mentions an ex, you want to play it cool. Don't go crazy jealous-- even if you are feeling a little insecure. You can show a small portion of jealousy, which will show him that you care, but don't accuse him of anything and don't give him any ultimatums since that will make you look insecure.

It might be hard, but show him you're confident (even if you are faking it, which is just as tough) and you are not going to be bothered by her-- you have no extreme jealousy going on. And, most importantly, remember that she is an ex, probably for good reasons!

Some guys are really attached to their independence and may think going from the "single life" to the "relationship life" may mean giving up that independence they hold so dear. So, if the man you are interested in shows up drunk on your doorsteps after a night out with the guys, take care of him. Show him that being in a relationship doesn't mean he can't let loose and enjoy a night out with the boys.

We all know sex plays a very important role in relationships (or are you playing a role while you have sex? heh heh). If a guy mentions trying something kinky in the bedroom, he is trying to see if you are down for some experimentation. Some guys are nervous that the sex will plateau once they are in the relationship, so by bringing up this topic and/or buying you a little sexy number that is sure to turn him on, a guy is trying to see if you will be willing to try new things and explore a little in the bedroom. (Watch out for the S-Curve!)

The guy you are interested in may want to know if you can have fun regardless of the location or situation you are in. So, by either suggesting a "no frills" adventure, or somehow stumbling into one, he will be on the lookout for how you handle yourself. Can you go with the flow? If you are in awkward position, don't worry-- try to have a good time with your Mr. Right Now.

B & L do not recommend changing who you are as a person, but to just be on the lookout for little tests you guy may throw at you before committing himself to you.

Most importantly, be yourself, have fun, and open yourself up to a guy you are interested in!

Information adapted from Cosmopolitan.com, and of course, stylized by B & L!

Dating101

How to Spot a DB

As B & L stated in an earlier post-- DBs are a definite "Hates It!"

Come on ladies, you know you deserve a nice guy who will treat you right and make you happy!

Now you're probably wondering, "How do I even spot a db?"

Well, below you'll find a checklist of some very common qualities in a db.

1. He's into recycling his girls. This guy will have no problem dating someone you know and then dating you-- whether the other girl is in your sorority, place of work, family, etc.

2. He doesn't pay. Does the economy stink right now? Yes. However, if he really wants to go on a date and is concerned with money, he will plan an inexpensive date. (We can't be high maintenance all the time!) Think picnic, apple picking, painting pumpkins together, etc. If he can get on Google, he can plan an inexpensive date! (Especially since when you type in "cheap date ideas," Google gives you over 94 MILLION hits!!)

3. He goes into a deep depression when his favorite team loses a game. B & L are not talking upset-- come on, guys get upset when their favorite team loses, especially if they have money on the game. B & L are talking about deep depression, like Jessica Simpson when she lost Daisy to a coyote.

4. He doesn't have a career or a job. You don't want to have worry about financially supporting your relationship, his butt, and yourself. (Or, you can settle and kiss those Louboutins you have been saving up for goodbye!)

5. He doesn't take the time to change his Facebook, MySpace, etc. status from "single" to "in a relationship" when you have been exclusive for months or longer. Or, he gives you the old "Gee..I just don't know how to change it," or "I never update my profile." Uh.huh. Let us go in and give you a quick tutorial, shall we?

6. He's 30 and living with his parents because he would rather spend his paycheck on kid stuff instead of growing up and taking responsibility for himself. Do you want to continue to living in the Grown Up World (but still have silly fun times) or would you rather get on a plane of frustration to Little Kid World where that guy is living? (Is that a race car bed in his room??)

7. He has a massive porn collection. Not just massive but ENORMOUS-- to the point you feel dirty just walking into his room and are afraid to touch anything because it might be "sticky."

8. He cried more than you did during My Sister's Keeper. Ummm, really? Aren't you suppose to be the emotional one?

9. He promises to pay back the money you lent him when _______. Fill in the blank with something that is most likely not going to happen, such as when he becomes a hair model-- one slight problem: he's bald!

10. He doesn't blink an eye when he decides to ditch you and, oh yeah, he never calls you to ask for a rain check or to even tell you he will be ditching you. Self-explanitory.

Warning: some good guys may have a couple of these qualities as well, so if you see one don't all of sudden turn around and declare him a db. Rather, you want to weigh it - does he have one checked off or five of them checked off? If it's just one-- depending on which one it is-- B & L think you might want to give him a chance-- might.

(And remember that while you're holding your guy up to a microscope, you also want to evaluate your own actions/habits, too!!)

General information from Cosmopolitan.com, then adopted B & L style!

Dating 101

Warning! This post is going to be a little crass, but it has to be said!

For both ladies and guys, when you break up, the line "we should still be friends," or any variation thereof, should just be left out of the conversation.¹

One of the hardest parts of breaking up is getting used to not having that special someone in your life. But, lets all be honest with one another and save the dramatics.

L definitely feels like guys definitely get the short end of the stick with this one. So, let's get this straight: you want "to be friends," so you can call him, complain about your life, hem and haw about all your life's little intricacies, and then he doesn't get at least a courtesy beej at the end?? Right.

Granted, some times, yes, you are better off as friends and it's great to have someone that has known you from 'way back when'. But, tread lightly. You don't want to put yourself in a position where you end up being that person's crutch, carrying around your past-relationship baggage, nor do you want to harbor feelings of jealousy when that person is in a good relationship because you can't help but wonder why they could not have been that way for you.

Lesson: Think carefully before you enter "Friendville". The person is not in your life in the boyfriend/girlfriend capacity any more, do you really need them as a "friend"? If you answered yes - then actually act as a friend. Don't expect to talk to them every day. Don't expect them to tell you everything. Be a friend and if you realize it is too hard on the other person - back off so that the other can cope.

But, most importantly: make sure to take time for yourself after a break up. Get back to the things you may have been missing out on, the friends that you haven't spent time with in a while, and do what you want to do!

Good luck and keep your heads up!

---

1. If you do decide to use this line be aware that it is very tricky and difficult to remain friends. If you are the one doing the break be aware and be honest. Don't lead the other one on and go at the pace of the other.

Dating101

Ever wonder if that certain guy or girl will actually call you?

Did you ever walk away from a night with someone thinking: "He/She seemed like he/she was having fun. Wonder if I'll ever see them again?"

B & L completely understand those feelings. Our advice, to both the guys and girls: be honest.

If you aren't going to call, tell the person it was fun and thank them for a good time. Don't tell him/her you will call. Don't lead him/her to believe you will be in touch when you know full well that you won't be.

Now you may be thinking: "but what if he/she asks if you are going to call?"

Answer: Be Honest.

Honesty does not have to be "mean."

If you aren't going to call and the other persons asks, simply tell him/her that you had a fun time, but you just want it to be a one time thing.

Will it suck hearing that? Yes. It will be one hell of a zing-dinger to that person.

However, after some time that person will be grateful he/she did not waste any extra time on you.

Warning: Being honest does not mean after the first or second date telling the person you like them "like, woah!" and want to have have an exclusive and serious relationship, move in together and get married. Exaggeration - yes - but you get the picture. Spilling all your feelings that soon is a big DON'T.

But, you can be honest about your intentions. If you want another date say so. If you don't, leave it how it was - fun - but don't say you'll do things when you have no intentions of following through.

Dating101

As recently pointed out, if you are finding yourself recently single you could face a different, slightly smaller dating pool.

So, why make mistakes to cause this decreasing dating pool to shrink even more?

It's difficult out there. And ladies, finding a good guy a.k.a "a catch" is sometimes cut-throat.

To help you lovely ladies, here are some common mistakes women make with men from DatingAdviceSecrets.com:

• Betting your love life on his "potential."
• Assuming you "get men."
• Pretending to be something else for the man.

B & L would agree with these tips. Granted, some seem like common sense; however, it is important to recognize whether you make these mistakes to correct them so that you can date successfully.

For example, by focusing all your energy on one guy that you don't know whether or not he is ready for a serious relationship you may very likely miss out on other potentials. So, if you aren't exclusive or not getting serious, don't bet you love life away. If the guy wants to be exclusive and/or serious - he will be - but not until he is ready.

This goes into the second mistake. No matter how much we want to think we, too, can be like Samantha from Sex in the City, we won't get men. Ladies, men process things differently from us. It's time we recognize and stop thinking we know what men are thinking and stop fretting (and over-analyzing!) over something he did or said. Enjoy dating for what it is. Fun. If things come to be serious, great, otherwise keep the mind set that you're putting yourself out there to enjoy yourself.

But, most importantly, don't change yourself for any guy. You are unique, an individual. Don't change simply because you think he will like you more like that. If you are looking for something serious, you should want the man to be into you-- not someone he thinks you are.

These are just three of the 10 Most Dangerous Mistakes You Probably Make with Men. If you want to learn more just check out the link!

Dating101

Like the saying goes - "Use it or Lose it!"

Do you feel like you are losing the spice in the bedroom? Not really interested in the intimate portion of your relationship?

The answer could be as simple as - "use it or lose it."

Believe it or not, but the longer one goes without sexual relations can cause the desire to decrease and the body becomes use to the low to no demand for production of one's swimmers and/or one's vaginal fluid.

So, if you are in a long relationship and you feel like you aren't having as much fun in the bedroom as you once did, it could be as simple as your body becoming use to the decreased amounts of sexual activities.

No need to fear though-- there are some easy fixes:

• Don't freak out!
• Simply getting back in the groove can help kick things back into gear.
• Vary your usual patterns.
  
• Exercise actually helps increase a women's desire because she has a better body image and it increases blood circulation which awakens those dormant sexual feelings.
• Be ready to work at it.
  

However, try not to schedule time for sex since that has a tendency to make sex feel like a chore which can put a damper on the "mood" which you do not want to do.

But if these suggestions don't help, you may want to try making an appointment with the appropriate doctor.

P.S. Sexual relations isn't just good for the relationship it's also a great workout and has a number of other benefits such as relieving stress, boosting immunity, boosting self-esteem, helping you sleep better, etc.

More information can be found at WebMD, Health and Sex as well as BellaOnline and Revolution Health.

Dating 101

Workplace Dating - The Do's and Don'ts - Part 1

Finding yourself single after college is increasingly hard-- not only are your girlfriends off doing their own fabulous things, but your dating pool as significantly dwindled down to slim pickin's. You are no longer surrounded by your peers-- your usual routine of Tuesday night dates has been replaced with you, the work you didn't finish from the day, and the TV going off in the background for white noise.

A lot of magazines targeted for women recommend inter-office dating, usually showcased with a makeout scene by the filing cabinets. (Getting out into the "real world," we begin to wonder, "Who really works in a place like that?!)

B & L want you to be forewarned before you slide the hottie in the cube next to you your number on a post-it: You've worked hard for four years building your education and now want to maintain your professional integrity that you're building, from the bottom of the totem poll on up!

If your office is small, B & L recommend staying away from dating any one. The same applies if you have a large company and you and potential Mr. Right Now work in the same department. Sure, right now all you can do is gaze over and think how cute he looks in his khakis and Lacoste polo and wonder how anything could possible go wrong...la de dah, off in dream land.

::Shake, shake:: Wake up!

Save yourself awkwardness of seeing that person every day after things sour! (And they will likely sour.¹) Think: Do you really want to overhear his conversation he's definitely going to have about his wild night at such-and-such club, name dropping all the people he saw, and the girl he went home with?²

Let us answer this for you: "No." Yes, you could do the same³, but you're way past playing those games. Just take our advice and don't get involved in the first place.

Also, suppose you were to date, what is your conversation going to centralize around? How your days were? You already know -- you were there for it all!

Now, this does not mean you should not socialize with your co-workers. Going out after work for drinks and/or appetizers is always recommended. It is good for team morale and networking. Just do NOT be the girl that has one too many drinks or eats like she hasn't seen food in days. Pace yourself. The same rule applies to any company outing.

If you are dating someone in your office, keep work at work, and your relationship outside of the office doors. Don't let the argument you had last night ruin your work performance during the day. Call your girlfriend at lunch if you need to vent.

And, most importantly, do not get caught trying to hook up anywhere around or near the office! This includes⁴:

> no footsie under the table;

> no accidental hand grazing at the table;

> no quickies in the supply room;

> no bum grabs as he walks by; and

> no sitting on his lap (even if the door is closed!).

Instead of trying to find a date at work, ask your friends if they know anyone or try your hand at one of the online dating sites.⁵

So, remember-- the workplace is just that: a place for work. Be extra careful when you mix work and your social life. The lines can become very blurry and you don't want to be out of a relationship and your job.

---

1. What? L is a bit of a pessimist when it comes to relationships!

2. Most likely made up.

3. a la Cher Horowitz in the classic movie Clueless, sending yourself a gorgeous flower arrangement (or two!), dark European chocolates, and dropping your pen by his cube so he can check out your "stems."

4. But is not limited to.

5. MySpace not included. Creepy.

Dating 101

Have you ever wondered how could you figure out if the someone of the opposite sex was into you?

Well B & L have definitely wondered that. It would be great if there were some signs that you could use to tell if they're turned off or on. So here are 10 signs that can you can use to help you figure out if he/she is into you.

1. He/She calls for no reason
2. He/She actively seeks your company.
3. He/She makes time for you in his/her life.
4. His/Her friends know about you.
5. He/She takes the time to get to know your friends.
6. He/She maintains eye contact.
7. He/She leans in while you are talking.
8. He/She listens.
9. He/She regularly touches you.
10.He/She takes interest in your interests.

If you want more information click here to check out the article.

Dating 101

One mistake we women make is going out with our friends with the hopes of finding a man.

Definite "no, no!"

If you want to find a man, you want to make yourself approachable. Unfortunately, the quality males probably won't find you approachable if you are there with a pack of your friends. The guy could be scared, after all they may be timid,¹ and what timid quality guy wants to take a chance of being rejected in front of a group of women?

You may be thinking, "that's great B & L what should we do instead?" Well, you can go to the bar area during the early part of the night. Order some apps, bring a book (and not one of those books that only females will get but one that a guy might actually read or be interested in), look like you are busy. You are by yourself, so you won't be as intimidating and if you have an accessory that the guy can comment on, wear it! It's a good opening to start the conversation.

If you want to know more on common mistakes women make and some ideas to correct them check out The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make.

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1. Don't even mention timid guys to B, she is starting to get a little impatient with timid fellas. As we are sure many of you can relate!

Dating 101

Don't make yourself too available.

Do you ever find a guy/girl more inciting when he/she doesn't pay attention to you? Have you thought you prefer the thrill of the chase when it comes to finding a new relationship?

When you first start dating someone, you like the thrill of the chase and the whole mystery that comes with discovering the new person. The longer the person has to chase you, and, thereby fall for you (remember this all within reason), it is more likely love may blossom. If the chemistry peaks too soon your emotions may not catch up and the relationship will eventually end.

Thus, don't make yourself too available. Enjoy the thrill and the mysterious part of discovering the new person you are interested in, even if it doesn't lead you to a "Forever After" it may lead to a great friendship.

To learn more, click here.

Dating101

Listen up, ladies!

So we all have bad relationships and we've all made mistakes in the relationships, but now there is actually a book that explains the things you should never do with your ex and a few you should do.

According to the Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D, author of "Sex with Your Ex," the seven biggest "don'ts" in dating are as follows:

• Never have sex with your ex.
• Never let your ex keep photos of you in your b'day suit.
• Never use the toilet in front of your partner.
• Never write your ex a letter letting him know how you feel.
• Never fake orgasm.
• Never drop your girlfriends for your guy.
• Never keep your ex in your phone or your buddy list.

Dr. Fulbright has a lot more advice where that came from. So, if you feel like you have broken all of the "Nevers" and need some help figuring out your relationship life, check out "Sex with Your Ex."

B & L recommend to never rekindle an old flame: The same problems will likely be there, serving as a reminder for all the reasons you parted ways in the first place. If you can remain friends, that's great, but sometimes it's best to leave old relationships in the past: learn from them, and appreciate your new romance for everything it is!

Ladies, let us know your biggest ex mistake(s) or lesson(s) you've learned from dating! We would love to hear from you!

For more information, check out ivillage.com.